Lots of memories lately

I’ve been doing a lot of introspection lately. A lot. I am trying to disassociate myself from the painful memories from the fire service. This effort has helped me realize how much I loved being a firefighter. I was 2 weeks into being all of 19 when I first hired on. I still remember what I wore to the interview. I felt every inch of being a firefighter. I loved how I was able to make some difference in people’s lives. Now, teaching recruits, I see in them the person I used to be, and it reminds me that my negatives and trauma are just part of my journey. Those memories need to be looked at objectively, without bias. At least that’s what they say. Very hard to do but I recognize that until I do step away without bias, I’ll never fully heal. It’s a daily journey. Good news is that I am continuing to find that deeper peaceful feeling.